idk

The saddest thing is i lost my right to be angry.

I ever feel like i want to slap him really hard in the face.


I still remember the day i company him (even from far away), on his first day of college (yes I'm not the only one who company him), i thought i could keep doing that until he graduate and more,


turns out to be I'm a burden for him and his college life, yes i know, I'm stupid and useless i know

 

 

It's just

such a pity he left me because he's busy these days,

he met new people,

he gave up and think he's done something right,


he said it's time for him to change,

when i read that, i never really hurt so much, besides on August 14th, 2020 (my worst day)

 

i just confused that day and it really hurts me right in my heart, physically. i punch my chest again, i lied to him, i feel bad, and it's make it even worse

 

all i can say was "yes i understand" or something like that


but the truth is, deep down in my heart, i ask,

"if you want to change, why have to leave?" he said i still have him, yes. thank you for that.. but look at us now, this is what i expect after you said that. And I'm right. Look at us, stranger again

"why not change for the world, and stay the same for me? for your family, for your friends?"


i don't know, maybe we have different perspective and that's okay, it doesn't matter now, I'm just still sad because even i moved on from the past, i still don't understand why i deserved such pain, from my favorite person, from the one that i really love, from my best friend, from my stranger now

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